I like her. And dude behind her. I also spend way too much time
checking out hippies (modern + vintage) and wishing I was them.
I know I haven't updated in a while.....
I have definitely gotten off track in life.
Funny thing is one of my last posts was about incorporating positive aspects into my life...and blogging about them, thus making them happen. But of course as winter droned on, I found the comfort of my bed more appealing and I have not accomplished much, if anything this season.
At least I have been working my barista job. And maintaining my little Dreadlock, which I affectionately call Amani (peace in Swahili). I can say I also applied for financial aid and have been actively helping out Epikos's drama team. Dated *cough*fucked*cough* a few dudes......whats ironic is I was discussing to my sweet friend the issue of who to choose between them...when BAM both of them end up being not so great. Bye bye, see you later. But I like this single freedom. And as impossible as it may seem for me, I do actually want to remain abstinent. Man I've slept with enough people and had enough wild experiences that I owe it to myself to really make someone wait for me...like marriage wait for me. I have no trouble taking care of matters into my own hands if needed, plus what is up with all this anal action???? Dudes are so obsessed with assholes, its getting really annoying and I demand it to stop. Anywho.
So of course with the start of the new year coming up, I have some lovely goals. Many of them. It's kind of sad that I am in a constant state of improvement, I never feel quite content with who I am or what I have. Shhhh dont tell. It makes me sound awful. Like duh just be happy with everything and relax and blah blah. But I have this urge. This drive. To always keep going upwards and onwards. To strive for better, for more. It's like fucking capitalism Americanism packaged in a cute little present.
But thats the struggle I had with the last dude. Not just nude dude, but my real last boyfriend. He didn't care to move up and make more for himself. So it was a bit frustrating. At least I'm the type of person that if I complete part of my goal or get pretty far, I get excited about it...even if its not complete.
So I think Im going to make ten goals dealing with various areas in my life. And then I'm going to make a couple DO NOT'S....as well.
Health:
Drink 2 or 3 of my new water bottles full a day.
3 fruits and 3 veggies a day.
Zinc, Vitamin A, Iron, Vitamin D, and B-12 every day. Other multi's if possible.
Work out at new gym at least 3 times a week.
Hula Hoop every day for ten minutes!
Spiritual:
Visit forest hike once a week and have a great conversation out loud with God.
Yoga every day for ten minutes to deep breathe and prayer language.
Read SOME bible everyday, who cares what it is.
Pray with family or friends when possible.
Journal or blog about life, emotions, experiences...all for healthy processing and a positive spirit.
I need to Quitttttt:
1. Sugar
2. Alcohol
3. Meaningless Sex
4. Materialistic spending...at least create pro con list. Or limit myself to buying 5 things every month AND THAT IS ALLLLL.
5. Obsessive masturbation. No Im not kidding, I'm a horny motherfker.....
6. Jealously over my sister
7. Never wearing my retainer. Stupid thing....
8. Stealing food
Okay, these things are good.
I just want to be healthier and happier. I want to complete things.
I want to get a degree in Art History. Or become a High School Counselor. Or work for the trees.
I'd love to actually start helping my mom garden more and see what color my thumb is.
I still love to spend time reading and expanding my mind.
Helping Epikos and getting a college group going would be amazing.
Things I want to buy but probably shouldnt....
Xbox 360- $100
GPS - $75
Fable Games - $80
Hoop - $25
I already bought bracelets, clothes, masks,
Ipod cover - $20
Mac computer - $350+
2. Massage table $150+
Tinted Windows $100+
6. Beaded curtains (bamboo) $75
7. Tapestry (ptown sat market) $50
8. Conch Piercing $60+
See? I am a whore. I am a whore that wants and needs and truly just needs to STFU. Grrrrr......
Don't be so hard on yourself, trust in Jesus, it's not a coincidence that His name means God is salvation. Life can be full of troubles, worries, temptations, but in Him we can overcome. Those are some great goals you've made for yourself! Here is something to encourage you. "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest." Matthew 11:28
ReplyDelete(found your blog and felt like commenting. I hope that's ok :) P.S. if you like reading you might like the book "Death of a Guru" it's an auto biography by Rabi Maharaj. I just finished it and thought it was great. you might like it. :)
Oh wow, lol, thank you so much! I guess people can stumble across this :) I truly appreciate your encouragement. What you've said is true, I really focus on just being close to Jesus and accepting His love and grace in order to change me....rather than feeling like it's a battle of good vs evil. It's weird that I have this bug to party but I know that God will use that desire to be social in ways for Him. Like getting Christians to fellowship and inviting outsiders to hang out and feel safe. That book sounds great for me, especially because I used to be so into Eastern spirituality and new age ideals. But in the end I felt like I didn't care for all the detachment and 'emptiness'. God's love is so fulfilling. :) Thanks again!
ReplyDeleteThat's great! I'm so glad you were encouraged, it's so important to keep our eyes fixed on Jesus hey,(I have to remind myself daily to do so and I know that it is important to encourage others, and I too like to be encouraged) So many distractions/temptations, but you're so right, God's love is so fulfilling. And He is faithful even if we are faithless. Yeah the book is really interesting and He(once a Guru now believer) talks a lot about the falseness of "eastern spirituality" vs. the truth of Christ. It was a neat and encouraging read. :)
ReplyDeleteAnyway I prayed God would encourage you with my comment (and that you wouldn't think I was just some wannabe "pious" dude trying to preach at you, as that was not my intention.) so I'm blessed to hear your reply.
P.S. If you're looking for a good book of the Bible to read some of each day, maybe try the book of 1 John or Romans. A couple of my faves. Godbless :)