After my intense car accident:

She told me to connect to my root chakras. She asked me to really sit down with myself and contemplate what emotional blockage I was holding onto. She explained there was a lot of energy held in my arms that was causing pain in my upper back. My neck and lower back hold a lot as well. She said she felt that I needed to find out what my heart was holding onto, some emotional pain or stress that keeps me from growth. She said to find an essential oil to assist me. I believe the one I recently felt drawn to and bought, Rosemary, was exactly what I need for now. 

I hold onto so much stress from my past. Fear, and insecurity. Fear of rejection and fear of being hated. I knew at one point how much I was loved and I believe once I became more involved in *that culture* that they could see right through me. I wasn't all love and peace but scared, anxious, and nervous. I felt they were judging me and hating me. I felt that I would never truly fit in. That I was an outsider towards the group I so desperately wanted to belong. 

I learned many of these people just want drugs. They were so consumed with altering their reality that being in touch with those around them had diminished. I could not sustain such an existence. As much as I adored spiritual places and outside perspectives, I couldn't just rely on acid, marijuana, and alcohol for sustenance. No sleep, just music. No nutrition, just substance. No rest, just hype. 

Maybe I need to look at what was positive though. I must look back at my emotional traumas of life, such as childhood incidences, relationships that scarred, and *that culture* for ways on how I grew and learned. I must see the world as I used to. That it loves and cares for me. That God touches and adores every one of us, and He can be seen in every person. 

I need my healing to began.