Moving car romance....

I kissed a boy on a train..

I told him I liked his hat (black fedora)

He told me he liked my dress (multicoloured maxi)

He bought donuts holes, I bought coffee

We sat and chatted. About our lives, family's lives, life in general.

Society and its wonders. and mishaps. 

It was truly beautiful.

He revealed he was 16 and I said I didn't care.

He told me he wants to own a boat,

with his lady as the captain.

I told him my parents can't understand why I would want to sleep in the dirt,

he said he'd sleep in the dirt with me.

He kept telling me how outrageously attractive I am..

with his adorable blue eyes and straight white teeth.

He was wearing a black leather jacket, and a braided hemp necklaces with a glass bead.

He told me he dropped out of high school because he was tired of his immature classmates.

He's getting his GED and following his dreams of full time musician career.

I gave him my card, I have yet to hear from him

Maybe it is just life's own teases.

When we got to his stop in Albany, we both stood and I asked for a hug

He asked for a kiss.

When I lifted my face to his, he put his hand on my chin

and open mouth frenched, right there, in front of many people

The train jerked a bit, throwing us off kilter, him running into me

Me laughing, feeling young and fresh and free.

It was hard to say goodbye to my leather donning dropout, train sweetheart.

But I wrote a wonderful poem I should post soon :)

To kissing on a train, I raise my coffee mug!

3 Essential C's in life....

Today I'd like to touch on 3 important C words in my life, and Cunt, Custard, and Colbert are not them.

As a matter of fact, it is Creativity, Challenge, and Communication.

These are three items that I want to focus on daily and have come so naturally into my life, I believe they are all so pleasant and will have such a positive effect on my life. As I am a major list person, I would like to make a few lists of ways to practice these ideas and get them into motion......

Creativity

*Journaling *Painting *Watercolours *Clothing design *Lyrical work *Playing guitar *Djembe *Tambourine *Skin care products *Jewelry making *Pastels *Collages *Story writing *Hair creations *New recipes 

Challenge

*Share Gospel with a stranger *Do 1 hour of yoga *Hike for 3 hours *Deep clean bathroom *Deep clean room *Pray for 1 hour straight *Read Bible for 2 hours straight *Do something for my parents *Market my business *Drink tons of water *Work on essays *Pray for my enemies *Work on African song *Stand on the side of the road with a sign about Jesus *Go to Portland and raise awareness for Human Trafficking *Play and ask for Pocket Change for Uganda *Pass out cookies and pray for the homeless *Confront someone I dislike and be nice *Write my parents a letter thanking them *Iron my clothes *Jog the dog

Communication

*Write Sarah Kaye a letter and mail it *Ditto for Shayna *Call my Grandma *Call my uncle *Email clients *Call clients *Get an ad in newspaper or coffee news *Create teenager facial special *Drop off school teacher specials *Contact someone from my past *Thank someone who has impacted my life *Apologize to someone I have mistreated *Talk openly, out loud with God for an hour or so *Check in with Kate Garner and Kristie Stevens *Reach strangers for my business *Go to surrounding companies and offer them a deal @ shop *Write secret letters to people, telling them how I really feel lol

Well I think that is good for now. If I can manage to do one of those things every day, I think I will be set :D

Countdown to Zero.....

Frustration arises like smoke in a fire.

Would you ever just shut up and retire?

Get me out of here, set me free.

Make a scene, let you finally see.

Blast this music, shake the walls.

Watch the painted mirror as it falls.

Drain this coffee, let it course my veins.

No one admires your muttered complains.

I want to turn off all the lights, sit in the black.

Hours pass, of time I have truly lost track.

What do I really need in this place?

I just ask for some damn space!

Hide in the forest, get lost in a trance.

Scream a song, give an interpretive dance.

Soon I'll be gone, lost, freed, and alone.

Then you'll have nobody to listen to you moan.

Sing it sister....

Dream of me, and I'll dream of you.

Call to me, and I'll follow thru.

Cheesecake? I won't say no.

Lying awake? But of course so.

Are we going to complicate...

This impending evening date....

While I sit here to wait...

Turn a blind eye to our fate.

"We haven't found us yet....."

Today was an off day. After a week of no sugar, consuming it made me feel so sluggish and moody. I feel like a day wasted, even though I did manage to go on short hikes with my mom and uncle and watch Darjeeling Limited. It makes me want to travel to India so bad. I just want rich smells and unknown language and beautiful colours and fabrics and strange culture and I actually do love the food. And the music. Yoga? No duh. Its funny because I feel like Im about to get a job and have to work constantly and not take a vacation but after some time of hard work and saving, before I get moved in and settled to a place, I desperately want to leave the country for about 2 or 3 months straight. Sounds delightful to me.....

Please apply here.....

So my last post was rather daunting and wrathful, so here I am, on a lighter note. Speaking of the kind of qualities I'd love in a man. It's wonderful to have an opportunity to dream, being single as I am. People complain about being single (okay, yes, I do miss a cuddle buddy) but in reality, this is the most freeing time of life. Time to dream, time to play, time to for me time, time to grow.

1. Musically inclined - I don't care what you play, but if you could have a way with at least one instrument, my heart sings out to you.
2. A nature calling - Please, love mother earth and her beauty. Be able to camp with me, and my family, and desire to go on hikes. Don't be a pussy about getting dirty. That's what sexy showers are for.
3. Humour. Make me laugh, and not just with sarcasm. Sarcasm is lazy humour. So is crudeness. I like robust, physical jokes. Or imitations. Witty words are good too, just please don't be mean. I don't find making fun of people very funny, its only slightly and should not be abused.
4. Tattoos and piercings?? + + +
5. Long hair and a beard/facial hair?? + + +
6. You MUST have a job and a car. Don't even talk to me if you don't have either. Too many men I've dated were in that situation and I'm frickin over it. Give up the dope and start being a man. woops, tone it down, sorry I forgot this was a happy post :)
7. Cook - Not always, but dude... if you can cook a couple great meals and be willing to make me food a couple times a week, I will love you.
8. Be Healthy - That goes right along with cooking. Don't cook me nasty hot dogs and nachos in the microwave (cough, sorry serious ex #2). Eat right and be active, don't down soda at every moment and sit around on your ass, ALL DAY.
9. Don't smoke. No no no, no pot and NO cigarettes.
10. Drinking in moderation, no drunks, very unattractive.
11. You can be tough and rough, if you want to fight a little, whatever, but don't be an instigator. Don't be the one picking fights and asking people to punch you. I will punch you in the balls for that.
12. Don't talk to me about 3somes. I'm frickin sick of 3somes. The next man that mentions that's a dream of his, he's immediately out. If you want another woman in any of our sessions, you can just have her, not me. I've done the 3some thing, and it's a lot to juggle and it leaves you feeling..... just too shared. F%@& poly-amorous relationships.
13. Don't be superstitious. It's annoying. Ha, see, I picked 13...ooooo so scary!!!!
14. Enjoy being scared with me, don't be a wimp. Or don't get scared and have fun getting me scared.
15. Don't be all super into puke and shit. Farting, belching, boogers...I know these are dude things and some of its fine but there's a point when you need to shut up about it.
16. Please take me out to dinner, like....2 or 3 times a month. Even if not to a fancy restaurant, just someplace fun or a bar or someplace new!
17. Be adventurous. Love to try out new things and seek the unknown. New experiences are amazing!
18. Please be sociable. I love to go out and meet people and talk with them, you need to have the confidence to speak with strangers and have a great time.
19. Along with that, NO JEALOUSY. I don't get jealous when other sexy women who are hottest than me are around, because I acknowledge the fact and truly don't care about it. Just cause they are sexy doesn't mean they are happy or truly secure. So, please don't get jealous about me and other dudes...IM DATING YOU FOR A REASON lol.
20. So to sum that up, be confident. Love yourself. Know yourself. It's great to want to improve yourself and be a better person, always. But also be happy with who you are and realize you don't have to change entirely.
21. Love my parents and my sister and bro in law. I love them to death and you will have to sincerely enjoy them too, and be open with them...or this won't work.
22. A writer? A reader? If you keep a journal or notebook, or if you love to read....OMG THANK YOU I LOVE YOU.
23. Better yet, a photographer?!?! Yesssss, please, let me be your model and muse.
24. Do what you love. Don't complain about your job, or get a new one. If you don't care for it, try to find the positives, seriously.
25. Be honest and communicative with me. I'd rather hear a painful truth, than be lied to for my happiness. Just talk to me, I will receive you so well if I know that you just need to be real with me.
26. Try to be smart. Try to learn what you can. Find knowledge fascinating. Know we can always grow our minds.
27. Have a bit of style, try to dress kinda rad...no matter what style you have, do it with confidence and make it awesome to look at.
28. Along with that, have great hygiene. Clean face, clean teeth, enjoy showering, come on now!
29. Care about me. Think about me. Listen to me. Support me. Love on me. Show me physical affection. Hold me, cuddle me, put your fingers in my hair, kiss my forehead and neck, do sweet things and little gifts. I put this all in one, because I don't need to be greedy and make all those different numbers. I basically just want respect, honor, and genuine appreciation for who I am. This one should be obvious, but I just had to say it : TREAT ME RIGHT, TREAT ME LIKE YOU NEVER WANT TO LOSE ME, LIKE I'M GOD'S PRECIOUS DAUGHTER, A PRINCESS IN HIS KINGDOM.
30. Lastly, with that, please, trust in our Lord God in Heaven. Talk with Jesus. Read the Bible with me, pray with me, be real about your relationship with Christ and encourage me in mine. Let's build each other up, closer to God, rather than separating us from Him.

Amen!!!!! Please God, let it be so!!!!

PS If he likes to ride horses, and loves cats/dogs/other animals...thats another amazing plus side!!!!!!!

"Happiness is only real when shared...." -Into the Wild

Don't call me religious.

I don't follow a list of rules, or worship some grey haired dude in some judge's seat. I don't preach at people what they should and shouldn't do. I don't attend church because I have to. I don't memorize verses just to repeat them back to someone. I don't hate on other belief systems or believe that everyone should agree with me on ideals. I do not try to save all my friends, invite them to the message with me every week, or even continually ask them "what do you need prayer for??"

I find that in fact, they like me to pray for them. It's like they don't know or don't care if God exists, but since I believe He does, 'oh hey, can you pray for me about this....?' like they still think it works and it will help them out. Which of course, I never mind. In fact, it delights me to pray for others. I just think it's ironic. People never acknowledge God unless they want something. How would that make you feel?

And then again, people focus way too much on God anyway. They forget about His Son, that He sent on this earth to talk about love, compassion, kindness, sharing, righteousness, making peace, serving, honesty, and righteousness. Jesus's words are amazing, he said things like "Are you so dull?" when He got frustrated or He overturned tables with some wrath or He called the women around Him, "Dear Woman...." or He took the time to talk to this reject slutty whore at the well. DUDE! He was a radical man.

And then, please, DO NOT call me conservative. That pisses me off worse than religious. I don't even vote, because I never see anyone worth voting for and I figure if I don't pay enough attention, I definitely shouldn't vote. And I don't pay attention because politics are never solved, but I don't waste time complaining about it either. I simply want to remain positive and focus on what I can do as  a person in my life, for others, for my family and friends, to help my business succeed so I can survive. But more than survive, I want to thrive and live life fully, appreciating all things and seeing each moment as something valuable.

Back to the conservatism thing....

Just because I have a faith and a renewed connected with Jesus, Father in Heaven, and that awesome supernatural Holy Spirit, does not mean I wear granny panties and scoff at curse words. I still practice Yoga daily. I still eat extremely healthy, I'm even on a sugar fast right now and I'm trying to only drink water, 1 cup of green tea, and 2 cups of coffee a day(I could drink like 4-6 so that's a bit cut down for me lol). I burn incense and white sage frequently to make my room smell yummy, 'clearing the energy'. I have tattoos, piercings, and I ENJOY THE PAIN. I love being nude....playing guitar nude, nude yoga, nude while putting on make up and styling hair, heck I'm only in my lacy black drawers right now! I still listen to 'secular' music, have my lesbian great friend, I drank champagne with a 20 year old last week, I pleasured myself 25 minutes ago, I love the Rainbow Gathering and all it has to offer, I didn't wear a bra today, I am dreaming hardcore of dreadlocking my hair..... see, now I should just quit justifying myself, to no one, of course.

Cause who really gives a shit???

If people want to place their labels on me and try to shove me in a box, great luck with that, cause I do not do well if pressure or force. I like to break free, speak up, stand out, dance hard, sing loud, laugh louder, cry openly, and no one can take that away from me. I have become even more confident of a person because of my Abba, because I realize how much this Entity loves me, despite all the crappy things I've done, and its forgiven and forgotten, as far as the east is to the west. So I don't dwell on it either.

All those people that are so fearful of the devil, are whack. They don't realize that our God is bigger, better, faster, strong than the weasel. All those people that constantly judge others and put them down, are making the biggest mistake of their lives. We don't judge people, that God's job. We love people. That's my honest to goodness faith, summed up: Love people with the love Jesus loves me with. Serve them, honor them, delight in them. See them thru God's eyes, because He created us in His image and to be in fellowship with Him. I feel God's presence daily and I see glimpses of Heaven often. I know I have a Kingdom I'm returning to someday, but it's not just what I live for.

The healing stones, the astrology, the out of body experiences, the LSD, magic shrooms, cocaine, marijuana, tarot cards, cosmic affirmations, mantra chanting, spaced out meditation, tranced out drum circles.....man I've tried it all, I knew I should be happy because I had everything I needed or wanted, but I was still empty and my heart was still shrunken. I needed a Savior and I have one.

People say they don't feel Him, that's because they don't want to, they ignore it, because they are so afraid of giving up all the junk in their lives. I threw it all away because I was broken and humbled. I guess you kind of have to get to that point. The point where you realize all your friends just want to get messed up with you, or by you, and men just want to screw you, or use you for beer, or stare at your tits. I got sick of it all, I wanted realness and true freedom and Truth, and now I have that. How could I keep giving out love and peace, when I didn't have a source for it??? It doesn't just come out of the air. And out of myself, I was getting drained, because people are draining. God, He is not draining and He never runs dry.

Hallelujah, Jehovah Jireh, Jehovah Ralpha, Yahweh, you are the King of all Kings, I claim you are the Son of God and the Creator of the Universe. I bow before you and give myself to you and your will, my greatest desire is to please you...because it brings me true joy and peace, like I've never known before.

O, Delight.....

“With freedom, books, flowers and the moon, who could not be happy?”

- Oscar Wilde

Deny, deny, deny...the desires of my heart....

Sittin’ down by my window,
Honey, lookin’ out at the rain.
Oh, Lord, Lord, sittin’ down by my window,
Baby, lookin’ out at the rain.
Somethin’ came along, grabbed a hold of me, honey,
And it felt just like a ball and chain.
Honey, that’s exactly what it felt like,
Honey, just dragging me down.

And I say, oh, whoa, whoa, now hon’, tell me why,
Why does every single little tiny
thing I hold on to go wrong ?
Yeah it goes wrong, yeah.
And I say, oh, whoa, whoa, now babe, tell me why,
Does every thing, every thing.
Hey, here you gone today, I wanted to love you,
I just wanted to hold you, I said, for so long,
Yeah! Alright! Hey!

Love’s got a hold on me, baby,
Feels like a ball and chain.
Now, love’s just draggin’ me down, baby,
Feels like a ball and chain.
I hope there’s someone out there who could tell me
Why the man I love wanna leave me in so much pain.
Yeah, maybe, maybe you could help me, come on, help me!

And I say, oh, whoa, whoa, now hon’, tell me why,
Now tell me, tell me, tell me, tell me,
tell me, tell me why, yeah.
And I say, oh, whoa, whoa, whoa, when I ask you,
When I need to know why, c’mon tell me why, hey hey hey,
Here you’ve gone today,
I wanted to love you and hold you
Till the day I die.
I said whoa, whoa, whoa

And I say oh, whoa, whoa, no honey
It ain’t fair, daddy it ain’t fair what you do,
I see what you’re doin’ to me and
you know it ain’t fair.
And I say oh, whoa whoa now baby
It ain’t fair, now, now, now, what you do
I said hon’ it ain’t fair what, hon’
it ain’t fair what you do.
Oh, here you gone today and all I ever wanted to do
Was to love you
Honey you can still hear me rock and roll the best,
Only it ain’t roll, no, no, no, no, no.

Sittin’ down by my window,
Lookin’ out at the rain.
Lord, Lord, Lord, sittin’ down by my window,
Lookin’ out at the rain, see the rain.
Somethin’ came along, grabbed a hold of me,
And it felt like a ball and chain.
Oh this can’t be in vain
And I’m gonna tell you one more time, yeah, yeah!

And I say oh, whoa whoa, now baby
This can’t be, no this can’t be in vain,
And I say no no no no no no no no, whoa,
And I say whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa
Now now now now now now now now now no no not in vain
Hey, hope there is someone that could tell me
Hon’, tell me why love is like
Just like a ball
Just like a ball
Baaaaaaalllll
Oh daddy, daddy, daddy, daddy,
daddy, daddy, daddy, daddy
And a chain.
Yeah.

"Sometimes we have watches, but we don't have the time......"

"Her ways are pleasant ways, and all her paths are peace. She is a tree of life to those who embrace her; those who lay hold of her will be blessed."
"By wisdom the Lord laid the earth's foundations, by understanding he set the heavens in place; by his knowledge the deeps were divided, and the clouds let drop the dew."

Proverbs are so delightful, I'm truly enjoying reading them...in replace of sugar, for which I am on my 4th day of fasting. I may have accidentally consumed some (darn Debbe and her cupcakes at study!) but the idea still stands firm. I think rather than just 31 days without sugar, my ultimate goal is to live a life without it, completely. Glucose, you cannot have me!!!

On a lighter note, I had to share several of those gorgeous shots I took today. Can you believe this is basically in my own backyard? It was absolutely stunning today. The snow must have melted entirely from the mountain, as the waters were rushing faster and fuller than I had seen this time of year. It's 97 degrees for goodness sake, no rain in sight!

You notice in one of the pictures there is a sweet, moss covered rock underneath a tree, right on the water. I sat there for a while, constructing a rope-wrap sorts for my yoga mat out of my hemp and beads. I have one for my blanket which works quite well, so the next step is to assure my precious mat doesn't cause me any trouble on my trips. Today it did just fine, that's for certain. My journal didn't though, as it fell in with me when I slipped, just as my day begun. I laughed it off though and continued to soak up the sun....

.....red grapes, an apple, 3 water bottles, Stalking Helpful Herbs book, yoga/meditation, prayer, cedar bugspray, yeah yeah yeahs and kruder and dorfmeister for musical enjoyment...I even sat topless for a while at one of my favorite spots for true exercise of freedom and spiritedness. Spiritedness is not a word, but I want it to be, so thus, it is. It is the act and attitude of being spirited, which is to have high spirits, free spirits, loving spirits, refreshing spirits, or the mindset and mood of what cannot be contained.

Containment? No.

Condiment. Yes.

Horseradish, actually. I read today that it truly has a lot of wonderful medicinal properties and can in fact be found in the wild. Fascinating, I do say ;)

I took a picture of me today too, I'm just being selfishly picky about which to post. Who knows if anyone will ever even stumble across this blog, but I'm certainly not opposed to it. :)

My, my, have I been rambling.... time to play with pastels and get back to my latest obsession-Project Runway. Fashion is a guilty pleasure of mine....shhhhh don't tell.

I yearn to cuddle upon some moss.....

I went to the woods because I wished to live deliberately, to front only the essential facts of life, and see if I could not learn what it had to teach, and not, when I came to die, discover that I had not lived.
Henry David Thoreau




Oh and I think I fell in love with a girl today. She works down the street at a piercing shop.... full long sleeve of greyish tattoos, swooping black hair, bright eyes, and she has the beautiful Medusa piercing I hope to acquire one day. Awwwwww pretty lady, will you hold me?

We beg for summer for so many months.....

And now today is a scorching one. I personally love days like the one in this photo. The sky is a painting and the mood is hushed. I dream of driving on a road like this, with those clouds above, for eternity.